Loss and Letting Go

No, we are not overblown roses, I just thought the picture looked sad. Credit: Ian Taylor, Unsplash

I will never have children

I never wanted children, but now I don’t have that choice

I didn’t want any more children, but still…

My body does not move in the way it did. I find it hard to do all the things I used to do.

I’m too tired to do the things I love.

My brain fails me. I feel as if I’ve lost my competence and confidence.

I don’t look as I did, my skin and flesh have softened, my hair has thinned.

I will never be youthful again.

I feel as if I’ve lost myself.

Some of the losses we experience in perimenopause are pauses. We might with work, regain our fitness. Some of us even get to be fitter than ever! Our brain function tends to recover a while after full menopause and we get back some of our vitality.

Other things might turn out to be full stops. I won’t ride a horse again. I don’t think I’ll ever quite have the energy levels I had in my early forties. But then I am fifty eight and I was a dynamo back in the day! And I’m pretty sure my skin is never going to regain it’s elasticity although I have lost some of that belly fat!

The clock only goes one way, and perimenopause is often the first time we are confronted with our own ageing. And while I’ve…